why I'm still high from Iceland
Credit: Anna Gondek
Powerful. Awakening. Challenging. Crazy. Uncomfortable. Extreme. Game-changing. Intense.
Just a few words I’d use to describe the 7-day intensive training I did last month off the grid in Iceland.
We spent our days exploring the Wim Hof Method and a unique array of practices including meditation techniques, breath work, concentration, cold exposure, and tools of self-observation. From climbing a mountain in freezing temperatures bare chested in nothing but shorts, to five-minute full body immersions into icy lakes and waterfalls, to bathing in geothermal hot springs and detoxifying in a sweat lodge ceremony, Nature and her elements proved to be our strict and humble teacher. It was a journey inward to the deepest nature of our own human being.
This experience directly contributed to an expanded awareness for myself, a more relaxed and energized body, and a greater openness to the forces that drive life itself.
I repeatedly find that the greatest challenges and subsequent breakthroughs from experiences like this come from integrating back into everyday life. It’s easy to take a hit of inspiration, but how can we ground that into tangible empowerment? How can we cultivate the same presence and bliss from living off-the-grid on a mountain top in our every day life when our iPhone, iPad, Apple Watch, and computer are buzzing us 24/7? How can we make daily life the most spiritual practice of all?
Upon returning, I was asking myself all of these questions. I dreaded even attempting to answer the inevitable – “How was it?!” – as I know there’s no short or cute response that would even scratch at the surface of a sufficient response. No single instagram post can do justice the 60+ pages I scribbled in my journal digesting each of the action-packed days. What I truthfully want to ask back to that question is, “Do you really want to know?”
So this here is for the people who REALLY want to know. What I’m sharing with you is the 10 most profound takeaways, perspective shifts, and breakthroughs that I experienced while in Iceland and through the ongoing process of integrating into daily life.
How to read this note:
This reflection takes about 20 minutes to read fully. It takes about 5 minutes if you want to skip ahead to the punchline and just read the takeaways, which I’ve highlighted in bold at the end of each section.Shoutout to Elena and Joren for leading a transformative experience. Check them out for EPIC growth! I’m headed to Sweden in December 2019 for another experience led by these two incredible humans. Into The Wild Within…
Shoutout to the talented photographer Anna Gondek who’s photos are mixed in here with my own.
Shoutout to my brother Sage for being on this life journey with me…
[1] Live to the brim.
Iceland is truly a magical place. Everything was bursting with vibrancy – from the electric-blue glacier water supercharged with volcanic minerals to the diamond glints shining brightly on the soft snow. Each day was a highlight reel of extreme and surreal beauty and yet another reminder of the vast and unlimited splendor that our planet holds. By day we were guided by end-to-end double rainbows and by night we were serenaded by the mesmerizing dance of the Northern Lights seductively lighting up the sky. Not only did we feel the full intensity of the extreme cold, but we also explored the smoldering heat detoxifying in a cleansing cloud of steam during a sweat lodge ceremony. Stepping out of the darkness of the sweat lodge and into the peaceful golden hour of sunset nearly four hours later felt like a fresh rebirth. The sun falling asleep onto a bed of soft pink clouds tucked behind the glacier in the distance set the stage for one of the most serene scenes I’ve ever seen. Each day was a compilation of these picture-perfect moments that stop you in your tracks, rock you with awe, and leave you filled with gratitude for the gift of being alive.
Takeaway:
Our planet is bursting with life and beauty. The world is a blooming paradise quietly begging us to dive in and play whole heartedly. Live to the brim. Experience the fullness and intensity that each moment has to offer. Appreciate the gift that is your beating heart and don’t let a day go by where you forget the privilege it is to experience this very real magic wherever on this rock you find yourself.
A photo I took of the northern lights. Photobombed by two shooting stars
[2] The journey is the destination.
“I am strong. I am healthy. I am capable.” I repeated this mantra over and over again in my head with every breath as I crunched a combination of snow, dirt, and ice below with every step towards the summit of Mt. Esja. 5 weeks ago I sat in a hospital bed as the doctor showed me MRI results depicting a torn MCL in the same knee I had torn up years before. He probably would have referred me to a different type of doctor if he saw me with a pack of 15 humans ascending into thin air wearing nothing but shorts in the -20°C Icelandic tundra that day. The intimidating wind cracked whipping gusts up to 35 mph, literally pushing me at times. We were forced to remain calm and present to the utmost degree in order to keep our focus and stay safe. Our ancient bodies are capable of withstanding theses extreme circumstances (more on that in a minute), so long as we get out of our head and let our body adapt to keep us alive. “Go for timelessness” was the instructed advice from our group leaders Joren and Elena. “Don’t worry about how long or where or when, just surrender to the timeless act of breathing and placing one foot in front of the other. The journey is the destination, enjoy it.” The exercise became one big moving meditation. Thinking about what I was going to eat for dinner or how much longer until we reached the summit would be dangerous and life threatening. Anything that would take me out of the current breath and present moment would force me to lose focus and cause my body to freak out. This happened to a couple people and ensuing vomiting, panic attacks, and early stage hypothermia forced them down the mountain. We climbed for nearly 2 hours as we inched towards the summit, but with every meter that we gained in elevation, we lost in temperature. The wind didn’t let up and it became difficult to even breathe. We were forced to turn around about 20 minutes short of the summit as our trusted leader, Joren, reminded us, “We are crazy, but not stupid.”
Climbing downhill through snow and ice proved to be even more challenging for me. My fingers and hands were long since numb, and now my face was the latest to join in numbness. Drool uncontrollably slobbered out of my mouth like a bulldog with his head out of the car window. In a vulnerable moment, I got caught up with fear of re-injuring my knee. My focus shifted from the present moment to just wanting to get off this damn mountain. Fixated on the end destination, I forgot about the journey and lost focus from there. Many others in the group experienced something similar at this time with the bottom of the mountain front of mind. Real survival mode kicked in, and I lost control of my shivering body. Joren ran back up the mountain to help me put my jacket back on since I was incapable of taking my backpack off of my back let alone pinching a zipper. Getting down the mountain was a blur. My best-friend Sage was behind me experiencing the same thing. My vision became blurry, nausea settled in, and every ounce of my focus and attention was directed to getting down this mountain alive. Eventually when we reached lower altitude, I regained control and sense of my body and was able to safely and consciously return to the base of the mountain and into the warm van waiting for us.
Takeaway:
Climbing this mountain was one of the most intense experiences of my life and I’m so grateful for it. It was a sobering wake up call of what REAL stress and survival mode feels like, making me see the day to day stress of sitting in traffic on the I-10 at rush hour in Santa Monica, CA for the vacation that it really is. It taught me the importance of surrendering to the timelessness of the journey, and the danger of becoming too fixated on a distant end destination. As an entrepreneur and ambitious go-getter, I naturally focus so much of my energy on a future destination with career, relationships, and finances that it’s easy to forget where I’m at and just how far I’ve come. I’m taking away a newfound appreciation of enjoying the journey, trusting that with one foot in front of the other I will reach the summit. Physically, this was probably the most demanding thing I’ve ever done in my life (yes, even more intense than Ironman triathlons!). I was shocked with how well my body was able to adapt and handle. And yes, my knee actually felt better after the climb than it did before. Remember that you are stronger and more capable than you think. You’ve survived everything up until this point in life so far – the trauma, the heartbreak, the pain. Give yourself some credit! Keep one foot in front of the other and surrender to the timelessness of the journey. One breath, one step. When you feel like you have reached your breaking point and can’t continue on any further, remember that you still have SO MUCH MORE in the tank than you think.
Climbing Mt. Esja. One foot in front of the other. (Credit: Anna Gondek)
[3] Taking control in the cold.
We were greeted by the land of ice on the first day in the most fitting and proper way. A 5-minute full body immersion into a nearby freezing 1° C lake. What happens inside of your body is really fascinating and can help us understand the real benefits of the cold and why any sane human would subject themselves to an experience like this. Once fully submerged, your breath shortens and your body instantly goes into survival mode shifting into the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight mode). Adrenaline, cortisol, and stress levels all rise to keep you alert and alive. Your heart rate skyrockets pumping all of the blood from your fingers, toes, and extremities to your core in effort to protect your vital organs since your intelligent body knows it can survive without an arm and a leg. All of the blood in your core now becomes supercharged, warm, oxygen-rich as it circulates your core. When you eventually get out of the cold and your body is able to shift back into the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest mode), this warm oxygenated blood will rush back to your extremities flushing away lactic acid and inflammation along with it. No wonder ice baths are a staple for competitive athletes’ recovery!
All of this happens in your body without you having to think about it. Survival lives in the deepest part of the unconscious brain. Thankfully, mind you, so we don’t forget to breathe or digest our food. Shifting in and out of survival mode is completely out of our conscious control – or so we thought. Enter Wim Hof. Wim teaches us, the everyday human, this set of ground-breaking techniques to harness the fullness of our mind-body connection. He’s showing science for the first time that humans are able to consciously influence autonomous processes previously thought to be out of our conscious control. We have the power to respond to our environments and regulate our own nervous system and immune system. When we learn to relax our body in the cold water (a literally life threatening situation), we are training our body how to remain calm under stress. The key to this? OUR BREATH. By focusing on slow, controlled, and long exhales, we can use the power of your mind to shift back to parasympathetic nervous system and remain in these high stress, life threatening situations for unbelievable lengths of time.
Takeaway:
Science is catching up with the fact that we are powerful beyond belief. You are in full control of your own health, strength, and happiness and have conscious control over your body and nervous system. We can use the cold for physical therapy and to train ourselves to remain calm under high-stress situations pushing boundaries and redefining what we previously thought to be possible. Just take a deep breathe and chill out.
Credit: Anna Gondek - Supercharged volcanic waterfall below freezing temperatures
[4] Fear vs. Purpose
The fear of public speaking ranks higher than the fear of dying. In other words, the average person would rather be in the casket than standing up to give the eulogy! We stay drawn into a comfort zone designed to protect us from these seemingly real threats to our survival. But we all know that approaching that pretty girl isn’t actually going to kill you. Neither is the tsunami of emails flooding your inbox every morning. But your body doesn’t know the difference. You’re not in any immediately life threatening danger, yet your body responds with increased adrenaline and cortisol and fears for it’s life just the same. F.E.A.R. is simply “False Experiences Appearing Real.” Imagination unhinged in a once useful but now often harmful direction. Studies show that our brain does not distinguish between a real experience and a vividly imagined one. So when you’re stressed out playing out worst case scenarios in your mind, your body pays the price. The cost? Stress. Inflammation. Anxiety. Dis-ease in the body. Indecision. Doubt. Stagnation. Lack of fulfillment and purpose.
We can continue to act from this place of fear, boxing ourselves in to remain safe and comfortable, or we can choose to take action from a different place – one of purpose, of intuition, of divine inspiration. Ever have that “gut feeling” about something? That’s your intuition speaking. Literally. Our gut is commonly referred to as our second brain and neurons actually fire in our gut when we make decisions, similar to the brain. The more we can recognize that we aren’t REALLY in a life and death situation and choose to follow our intuition, taking action from that place of purpose, the better, healthier, happier, and more fulfilled life we can live.
Because what happens on the other side of pushing past that comfort zone? Growth. Breakthroughs. Miracles. Opportunity. Cosmic connections. Fist pumps, Aha’s, and Woohoo’s!
Takeaway:
We are ancient human beings living in a modern world. With all of the visual and mental stimulation of smart phones, computers, and televisions, it’s almost as if we forget we have a body! We ignore the signals that our body is sending us and we’ve become super confused about what real fear is. We’re triggered into survival mode and live in the fight or flight mode most of the day without any real threats, and that has real consequences. We have the choice to either act from a place of FEAR or from a place of purpose. Listen into your intuition and choose purpose.
Snow angels! (Credit: Anna Gondek)
[5] Chapter 1, Chapter 2 & Chapter 3.
Every adventure that we did comprised of 3 chapters. Chapter 1 was the preparation. Mentally and physically preparing to climb a mountain or do a cold immersion. This consisted of taking off our clothes and focusing to adapt to the elements. We’d drop down into horse pose (a wide squat with heels in, toes out) and do some tai chi arm movements to fire up the muscles and warm up the body from the inside out. Chapter 1 is complete once you make the shift from bracingly trying to fight the cold to embracing it, feeling relaxing in the harsh elements. It can take a few minutes or a long while depending on the person and situation. Chapter 2 is all about sending it! It’s time to do the damn thing and feel it all fully. Dipping into the cold water, ascending on the mountain, hiking along the river, etc. Chapter 2 is all about surrendering to the timelessness of the activity and enjoying the journey with the utmost presence. One breath, one step at a time. Chapter 3 is all about re-centering after the experience and regaining control of your body. It takes extreme intention and arguably the most focus to bring your mind and body back to safety and stasis after any cold exposure.
We didn’t learn Chapter 3 on the first day when we were thrown into the cold lake. Upon getting out, we all instinctively went straight for our towels and put our warm clothes on. Bad idea. My body was still in shock and when I put on the warm clothes before re-centering and regaining control, I confused my body into thinking it’s safe when it’s not quite there yet. My hands were stinging and burning with a dull pain and all of my muscles were shaking and spazzing out of control. When the warm blood from your core mixes back with the the cold blood in your hands and feet, it can be a painful sensation. Grown men crying and screaming painful. It’s imperative to stay focused and lean into the sensation rather than naturally running away from it. I’d lie if I said I wasn’t fearful with just how numb my entire body was – fingers and toes completely white lifeless. I shuffled indoors to warmth as quickly as possible, put on all of the layers of clothes I brought and cocooned into my sleeping bag for 20 minutes of straight uncontrollable shivering. It took well over an hour before circulation, feeling, and color returned to me. Super intense.
But the next day, equipped with this first experience and newfound understanding of Chapter 3, the experience was radically different. The real challenge begins when you get out of the water and back into the cold air. This time, I returned right to horse pose like Chapter 1 and leaned into the sensations. I put my hands together and visualized the veins opening, and circulation flowing to my extremities while I continued with deep, long, full exhales. Not 3 minutes went by before I came back to focus. Circulation and feeling back throughout my body. I felt warm inside, and was completely dry. No more shaking. Then I was able to calmly put my clothes back on and re-acclimate appropriately. It was a radically different experience.
Takeaway:
The chapters revealed to me just how powerful our mind-body connection is. I realized that we can apply these chapters to our daily life to take more control of our mind and our bodies. Most of us wake up into the chaos of the world, allowing the social media scroll and a cup of caffeine to dictate how we might feel that day. We sleep-walk our way into an office where we spend our day worrying about future events that haven’t happened yet or replaying past events that we can’t change counting down the hours until we can get home to numb it all out with a comfort cocktail of food, drugs, and Netflix. Just as an athlete warms up to prepare for each game, so must we for the game of life every single day. Remember that the big show is happening NOW. Don’t let life pass you by while you’re too busy making other plans. Wherever you are, be there. And when bed time rolls around, don’t cary the stress of that day with you. Take the time to regain your center and control and “pull the plug.” My daily chapters generally consist of 1) starting the day by meditating, stretching, and doing my mindset work (visualization, affirmations, gratitude) 2) reminding myself to be present through the day by taking a break to take a walk around the block 3) ending my day by disconnecting from my devices half hour before bed to do some journaling, foam rolling, and read until I fall asleep. You’re in control, start acting like it!
Chapter 1, prepping a polar plunge into a freezing waterfall. (Credit: Anna Gondek)
[6] Moving through E-motions.
One of our group leaders, Elena, explained how emotions are simply energy in motion. E-motions. Emotions are made to move through us. Our body keeps a physical memory of all of our experiences and we store it in different parts of the body. The body doesn’t have words to express itself, so it responds with physical sensations. Other animals shake when they experience trauma or anxiety. Think of a gazelle after being chased by a lion. Once it’s safe the gazelle will physically shake to calm its nervous system and quiet the fight or flight mode. This enables the animal to move on without the physical memory of the situation. We don’t naturally do this as humans. Instead we carry our stress, anxiety, and trauma around with us every day and use food and other addictive behaviors to soothe ourselves and quite the emotional discomfort. Science is now showing that our memories and our emotions actually impact our immune system and can affect our pre-disposition to certain illness and disease.
During one of our breath-work sessions when intense emotions often come up, I experienced a massive release of emotions that my body was still holding on to from a long history of past physically traumatic injuries. I was born into trauma with my lung collapsing and nearly killing me. I’ve torn my ACL, MCL (twice), LCL, and meniscus. I was hours away from having my entire leg amputated due to a rare condition called compartment syndrome I sustained from an injury. I had to receive a blood transfusion after complications from appendicitis resulted in internal bleeding. The list goes on. Though I’ve consciously processed all of these circumstances and know that I’m okay, my body still remembers. In the breath work session I felt a tingling at the scar from one of my surgeries rise up to my throat and release. I started crying hysterically, as my body released a tidal wave of traumatic emotion it was holding on to. Afterwards, I felt an unbelievable sensation of peace, lightness, relaxation, and calm that has still stuck with me.
Takeaway:
Don’t ignore your emotions – lean into them. Listen to what your body is telling you. Embrace the emotions. Allow whatever release that needs to happen, happen – cry, laugh, scream, dance, shake, jump. Accept that you are feeling a certain way. Then disassociate from it. Remember that although you HAVE thoughts and emotions, you are NOT your thoughts or emotions. When you can shift to simply observing the sensations of the emotions – good or bad – the real healing begins. I came up with an acronym that helps me move through any range of e-motions that continuously come up. LEAAD. Listen. Embrace. Allow. Accept. Disassociate. We’re all healing through some trauma. Every single human on the planet is going through something. It was a very special thing to be able to have a group of 15 other humans on this trip who were open to sharing and supporting one another in our individual and collective healing journeys. This is what made a room full of strangers on day 1 become a family by day 7. Happy healing.
A breathing journey led by Joren on the guitar and steel drum. (Credit: Anna Gondek)
[7] We are nature experiencing nature.
Walking in nothing but shorts outside in pristine and untouched nature through our ‘mindful hikes’ led to a feeling of timelessness and a union of myself and the natural world. There was no longer I, Joshua, hiking in nature. There was just Joshua, a part of nature, moving and breathing within nature. I was a natural part of this beautiful scene. A brush stroke on the canvas. I wasn’t in my head running through thoughts scattered in a million different places. I was there. As I walked atop volcanic rock, the sound of the crystal blue river flowed next to me and the howling wind flowed through me. With every conscious inhalation, I drew strength from the cold air around me, and with each extended exhale I spread that warmth through my body, going deeper into nature. In one magical moment of pure presence, I tuned into the sounds of my feet crunching volcanic stones. In an instant that felt like an eternity, I felt a surge of explosive energy strike me like lightning as if a divine presence had just opened her arms to receive me. It was as if Mother Nature revealed her truest self and said, “There you are – I see you. Here I am – welcome.” I was catapulted up, through my heart, in a state of perfect empathy with nature itself. I beamed a beatific smile the rest of the hike feeling a profoundly deeper connection the land of Iceland and my own natural self. These transcendent completely sober life highs are what I live for and this one was something special.
Takeaway:
You are a beautiful creation of nature experiencing nature. You can use this gateway to cultivate pure presence, peace, and ecstasy.
An electric blue river guided us along one of our mindful hikes
[8] Everything is fun when you frame it as an adventure.
Every day, we had no clue what was on the itinerary. This was an overall great thing as it forced us to be present. If I’d known the madness of the mountain we were climbing on the first day, I would have been constantly thinking about it and probably worrying about it. So everyday after we had brunch post-yoga and breathing session our group leader, Joren, would calmly and excitedly grab our attention with the inevitable question, “Are you guys ready for an adventure?” Every time he said this I felt the 5 year old inner-child within me bursting at the seams with excitement. I realized that this frame of mind of making something “an adventure” can really apply to so much more. It doesn’t have to be some extreme mountain climbing adventure, even the smallest of things become fun when you view it this way. I caught myself tapping into this just the other day back home when a giant nail pierced my car tire. My initial reaction was obviously one of dismay. Until I consciously responded and reframed the experience as simply a fun and exciting adventure. Who knows what I’m going to learn from this process, who I’m going to meet along the way, and how this course correction will put me onto a completely different path. As I re-scheduled my day and drove to the Jeep dealership to get it fixed, I found myself brimming with excitement for an unexpected and unplanned adventure. The best part was it was such an easy fix. The guy was super nice, and was able to repair it just a few minutes without exorbitant cost. It had zero negative impact on my day and I was able to simply deal with it instead of worrying about it being a big deal.
Takeaway:
I wonder how much of our energy we waste worrying about the worst case scenario that doesn’t end up happening. You have the power to respond to events that happen. Instead of simply reacting, choose to make it an adventure and at the very least you’ll have more fun :)
Soaking in the geothermal hot springs (Credit: Anna Gondek)
[9] Listening to my intuition.
On the last day we took part in a symbolic ceremony of sorts. The theme for the day was focusing on preparation for integrating back into the “real world” after this experience. In the beginning of the day we meditated and reflected on a powerful prompt – what can you let go of and leave here in Iceland and what can you strengthen within you and bring back home? After a brief moment of stillness, my response came rushing in with purpose. “I choose to let go of the mental chatter in my head that can be so hard on myself. I choose to strengthen my ability to listen to my intuition and lead from a place of purpose.”
And with that, we arrived at the final adventure of the trip – a 30-foot cliff jump into the freezing lake below. Huddled up as a group, we shared our intention one by one before jumping off of the cliff into the water. Everyone did this, except me. Swimming is one thing my doctor told me to avoid at all cost with my recent knee injury. But I had just showed myself through the week that my body is WAY more capable than I thought. An internal mental debate filled my head with noise. The adrenaline junkie voice in me was urging me to jump and my ego didn’t want to be the only one that didn’t jump. But the other voice urged me to quit while we were ahead and avoid any unnecessary last day injuries that might set me back. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, silencing the mental chatter. I noticed that when I thought about jumping, my body felt really uncomfortable and tense, almost like I was having a hot flash. In that moment of listening, the answer was crystal clear. Don’t jump. After the rest of the group jumped I went off to the side and submerged in the lake in my own ritual. It was one of the most blissful, still, and full experiences I’ve been a part of. It was also incredibly symbolic as I had just taken the first tangible step towards letting go of the mental chatter of me being hard on myself and strengthen my ability to listen to my intuition. Stepping out of the water and into this peaceful reassurance had me on the verge of tears.
Takeaway:
Pause and think about it…what is it that YOU can let go of? What can you strengthen? Don’t over think it…listen to what your body is telling you and to what you already know.
Pure stillness. Credit: Sarka
[10] Embracing the growth process.
If you grab too much, you’ll end up with nothing. Integration and growth is a slowly evolving process. It doesn’t happen overnight. It requires purpose and also patience. As Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankel said, “He who knows his why can bear any how.” We must know our why. When you are working to grow or develop or integrate an experience into daily practice, you have to deeply want to do it and choose to do it in order to stick with it and avoid it becoming a dogmatic action that has an overall negative impact on you. But don’t forget that you are human too. And this is all an imperfect process. Be compassionate with yourself through the growth process. You wouldn’t beat up a friend for missing one workout once in a while, so why beat yourself up? Take it bit by bit. Remember that we all have the same 24 hours each day and how we choose to invest those 1440 minutes is everything. I get it, we’re busy. A lot of our days feels like it’s out of our control. But one thing we all have control over is the first several minutes we spend after first waking up in the morning and the last few minutes we spend before going to sleep at night. Nobody says that they don’t have time to brush their teeth or shower – they just make time for it. Use your time wisely and take one step at a time and you’ll shock yourself with progress.
Takeaway:
Know WHY you want to grow and then be patient and compassionate with yourself along the process. Growth is never this straight pretty line like we hope it might be. It’s a zig zagging, ugly looking curve that we can learn to view as beautiful.
Our group (minus a few) at the turn around point on Mt. Esja. (Credit: Anna Gondek)